When I was in school, I wasn't really known by a lot of people. I'm not that famous. I'm basically a shy person. I'll never talk to the people I don't know and to the people I know I can't stop talking. I didn't have that much friends but I'm glad I didn't either because I realize the more friends you have the more problem there will be. The few friends that I have now is the one I cherish the most. They accept and like me the way I am. They definitely the best ! My best friend, Alea is the most amazing and beautiful person ever. She's been there with me for 5 years. I knew her when I was 13 and I have been friends with her ever since. We did have our ups and downs but she never leave my side. Ever. And I never did too. For all this years she's been there for me and still is. She's the most greatest person I ever know and I'm glad she's my best friend. I promise that I will always be there with her till the end and I love her so very much.
When I was fourteen, I start hurting myself by cutting my hand. If you don't believe me the scars are still there on my left hand. I want it to be there to remind me how stupid I was before. Some of my friends and my sister knew about it first. I told my mum about it later. I did it because there's this friend of mine who start hurting herself and I did it so that she will stop doing that to herself. I know it sounds stupid but I cared about her and I thought what she was doing was stupid. Eventually she did stop hurting herself but I didn't. I couldn't. After that I start hurting myself for a lot of reasons like boys, friends, family problems and a lot of ridiculous stuff that didn't even matter now. I thought hurting myself would make me feel better. It did at first but when the time for me to take my shower, it hurts so bad. But I keep doing it anyway. My life was like hell when I was fourteen to early sixteen. I used to cry a lot. Always wanted to end my life. Didn't think there was a point in living. I used to be alone all the time. Hated going to school. People didn't really care about me. They think I wasn't good enough and I was stupid because I'm not really that smart. All of that hurts my feelings. Hated my life so much. Didn't even like the way I was, the way my body is. I feel fat even people around me keep telling me that I was okay. I can't even take a compliment. I completely hated everything about me. I stop cutting when I was early sixteen. I made myself to stop. I realize it was stupid of me to hurt myself for other people when they don't even feel the pain so whenever I feel myself want to do it, I just talk myself through it and it actually helps because now I'm not doing it anymore. I don't even wanna die fast cause there is so many things that I have to achieve, to see in this world and I'm not gonna give up now. Whenever I feel depressed, sad or hurt, I just smile to myself and remind myself to stay positive. It actually helps. I changed my life around. Nobody did. Nobody else will unless you do something about it. I know it's hard but you can change yourself. Be someone better. Show people that you are something. Prove them wrong. Show them what you are capable of because honestly your problems are not that big as you think.
A lot of people out there is going through real problems than you but you don't see them giving up or complaining or even want to end their life. They still living. They didn't lose hope. Then why are we? People who are sick, dying and going through a very hard time is the one with real problems. The problems that we said we have, that we are going through is not actually a huge problem. It's just a small thing that we made it huge. We have everything that we possible need and yet we still complaining that it's not enough and we want more but people who don't have anything, not even a proper food, clothing or even a proper place to stay, you don't see them complaining. They know how to appreciate everything they have and never take anything for granted. I'm gonna do everything I can from now on wards till the day I die to help as many people as I can. To give them a better life. To inspire them and give them a better and brighter future that they need and deserve. I'm thankful for everything I have and it's time for me to give back. To make other people happy and to love more. Hopefully everyone will do the same too. Learn to give more and never expect anything in return. Love as many people as you can and change as many lives as you can for the better. You can make a difference. God create us to become a better human being and that's what I'm gonna do. I'm forever thankful for everything that has happened, that is happening and also whatever gonna happen next. I will always be grateful with the life I have and will never ever change it. Lots of love .xx :) ♥
