Somewhere Far Away

I made a mistake when I was at high school. People told me to get good grades so that I could join boarding school but I didn't want to leave home. Most of all I didn't want to leave my mum. But I'm not gonna make the same mistake twice. At least when I'm in college I want to go some place far and learn. I want to travel at times live there too. I want to be independent, alone, happy and mostly stress free. I would be able to see my mum whenever I want. It's not that far anyway. I just don't wanna find anywhere near. I can't do it anymore. Because of him I can't sleep, keep worrying about lots of things and crying all the time. Because of him I'm so stress till my hair fall become worse. Because of him I cried to sleep every time so that I don't have think about it till I eventually start forgetting a lot of stuff! And because of him I'm in so much pain and suffering feels like it's gonna explode, like I'm going crazy and I'm going to lose it! I can't do this anymore! I didn't care much about high school but I do care about college. I have to achieve it no matter what and then support my mum and sis. They all I've got and I'm done seeing them suffer. I have to put a stop to all of this and for that I have to study hard and achieve it. I know I can but I need to keep myself busy so that I wouldn't caught with this drama anymore. I'm done with it and I want to move on with my life. This time I'm gonna fight for what I believe, love and have faith till the end. I'm not giving up and I'm not losing hope. My life is in my hand and only I can make a difference with it. 

A Good Looking Stranger

There's this one guy who I keep seeing at my work place. He would come constantly and
every time his there, he would ask me for help. I felt it was a little odd but when I
think back it couldn't be just a coincidence, right? I mean just think about it for a
second. Every time he come there he would somehow ask me instead of the other staff who
is on duty on that day. He even won't move when I go near to him to show him something
(most people would move a little at least) and there will always be that smile. He is a
good looking fair Indian and I'm sure he's mix with some other race. He's also
very tall like literally so tall with curly hair. He is very good looking. Even my Malay
staff thought he was cute. Who knows maybe there is more to it than it seems. I just
wish I know something about him. I'm just so curious and I can't actually stop thinking
about him. Hopefully he would make a move soon and if he didn't then he's not the one
and I would be totally cool about it. So till we meet again soon? Hahaha! Will keep update if
there's anything new happen. Peace out! ;)

"To Be Continued."

Is it just a memory or is there something more to it?

I was at an Indian restaurant in Brickfields when it happen. I was taking a look at the
foods and when nothing good was there I turned back to leave when I saw him. I turned and
he was there right in front of me. In fact he was so close to my face. He was very good
looking but he was a little bit shorter than me. No, I wasn't wearing high heels by the way. But
who cares? He was cute and he also had a tattoo on his right hand, the type that wrap around his wrist.
The thing is I never felt that close to a guy before so it was definitely very weird
for me. He came there with his friends to have lunch and the best part is he was looking
straight at me (more than once, of course). I tried not to meet his gaze but it's just
so hard not to. The feeling was unexplaineble. I, myself have no idea what to feel and I
can't seem to get his image out of my head. It's like I can see and feel everything till
now. I don't believe that we would meet again cause we both live in two separate places.
There's no way we would ever meet so I guess it would just stay as a very good memory of mine.

Meaningless

There's always this feeling of being under appreciated, used and forgotten. We give and give till there is nothing left and then we get hurt. Not that we expect a thing in return or anything like that. It's just that it really hurts when we've been forgotten so too many times after we have cared so much for them. When we are left out even when they are always on the top of our list. When we actually mean nothing to them even when they are our number one priority. It hurts. It really does. It's like you're nobody after all.

High School

First day of high school can be scary. A lot of questions will be running through your
head like, what if nobody likes me? What if I end up with no friends? Will I be able
to make a good impression? Will people be nice to me? Will I be having lunch alone?
But the main thing every person wish is to be able to fit in with the others.Hopefully
my part of the story helps.

My high school days was bad and good. 5 years of high school and the first 3 years was
terrible. I was the quiet type at school. Never really spoke to anyone I don't know.
The friends I had was few. I'm a shy person and it's hard for me to make friends. I'm
not the famous one either. People don't really know me. Even the teachers can't
remember me. Things started to go bad when I was 14. I can't say that I had bad
friends but instead I could say that I don't know how to differenciate what's bad
and what's good. I cared for my friends when I was in that age and that's when I started
cutting myself when my I saw one of my friends did it. At first, I did it to make her
stop hurting herself. I thought if she saw that I'm hurting myself too that she would
stop but eventually she did and I couldn't. After that I start cutting for different
reasons. Mostly about family problems ( parents fighting ), boys, friends and me. It
became worst when I start cutting for the smallest reasons. I guess it's just that the
pain I felt was so good and I just want to keep doing it. I definitely cried a lot.
I just felt like I wasn't good enough for anyone. Everyone look down on me and thinks
that I shouldn't have born. Sometimes, I just feel like ending my life. Like there's
no point living. I was so sure that even when I'm gone people would be happy and my
situation became worst when I was 15. The friends I had back stabbed me and one of my
friend had a relationship on the guy I liked. She did it even when she knows that I
liked him. The worst part is, she didn't tell me about it until I found out by myself.
I just wish she would tell me. Yes, it would hurt but I'd still be happy for her if
she would just tell me about it. The guy didn't like me though. He liked her instead.
Eventually we became friends back but it didn't lasted that long. I found out from a
friend of mine that she was talking bad about me behind my back and it was all true.
Then I stopped being friends with her. Even the friend I thought who was my best
friend cause I know her since I was small back stabbed me. It does hurt to know that
the people you care are the ones hurting you and that time I just had one wish. That
is finish high school as fast as I can and go to college. Leave everything behind me
and start my life all over again.

By the time I left high school I was devastated. When I was 16 I stopped cutting
myself. The two last years of high school was actually the best. I had the best
class, the nicest class teacher and a group of the most amazing classmates. These
people change my high school life. They the one make it better for me. They make me
love high school and their the reason for my sadness of leaving high school. I never
thought that I would be sad leaving high school but I did. I have no idea whether
they know this but they the one who helped me to go through it. I can't thank them
enough for what they have done. I'm forever grateful and I will never ever forget
them. My love and prayers will always be with them till the end. Hopefully each and
one of them from that class will succeed in life and be the person they wanted to be.
Thank you, guys ( Nilamnians ) for everything and I love all of you.

Another person that I have to mentioned is my best friend, Aliah. She is also one of
the reasons for getting me through high school. I was friends with her since I was 13.
5 years of friendship and it still going on strong. She's not only my best friend but
my sister. She have been there for me since the beginning and hopefully she will be
there till the end. I know I would. This girl is the most amazing person I have ever
known and I don't think so I can find anyone like her. I'm glad that she is my best
friend. I love her so much and I know she is going to be one hell of a person. Best
friends forever and as you can say I'm so lucky to have a friend like her. Thank you
for everything.


Just remember this, why do you have to fit in when you were born to stand out? Do what
makes you happy and don't give a damn what other people think about you. Always try to
make the good choices and if you make a mistake try to learn from them. Lots of
friends will come and go but remember only the true ones will stay with you till the
end. So don't lose hope and never ever give up ! It's in your hand to make high
school the best year ever. Just be yourself and have fun while you're doing it. Life
becomes so much better when you decide not to care. Just live for the moment and don't
let the drama bring you down. Good luck. :)

New 2013 Hairdo

Always wanted to have bangs and finally had the guts to do it. :D

Happy Red Nose Day, everyone ! xx ♥ :D